Monday, October 24, 2016

Texting and Dating

By David Wygant


Recently, I received an email that was really disturbing.  

It just seems like the younger generation is so technology-reliant when it comes to dating that they don't even understand the art of communication.  

 I'm going to share the email, then I'm going to tell you why I was so outraged by it.  A 17 year-old kid wrote this to me: 


"David, 

I'm a 17 year-old guy who's a little confused about what to do.  To start off with, I was working the Kentucky Derby with my teammates and we ran into a group of girls that one of them knew.  They were pretty much drunk, and one of them started talking to me.  She wasn't wasted, but she wasn't sober.  After I got her number, my teammates got her to make out with me.  We did it a few other times.   

After I got home, I texted her a little bit and she responded a few times.  We had a nice little text chat.  The next day, I sent her three different messages, trying to start a conversation. They were all about four hours apart.  Today, I asked her how her soccer tournament went. She never responded to any of my texts.  I read on another site that some women want guys to call them, but it seems almost creepy to me. Since I can text her, why do I need to call her up?

Anonymous"

Alright, there are several things we could comment on about this email.  We could question how and why a 17 year-old is out at the Kentucky Derby drinking and getting drunk.  Let's not be one of 'those adults' though.  Many of us were drinking when we were 17 years old -- maybe not at the Kentucky Derby, but probably a beer here and there at least.

Let's also for purposes of this blog ignore the terrible grammar and the way this kid writes, because the education system in this country is a mess and we all know that.  Our kids are not getting the education that they need, so they can't even craft an email with sentences that make coherent sense.  

Let's put those couple of things aside.  I want to talk about what he said in this email.  I want to talk about why he thinks calling someone up is "creepy." 

The younger generation has become increasingly text-reliant.  Actually, it's not just the younger generation.  There are a lot of people I know who are in their 20's, 30's -- and even in their 40's -- who have become really text-reliant. 

More specifically, so many people have become so text-reliant when it comes to dating that they don't even call each other anymore.  They don't ask someone out on a date in person or live on a call.  They text someone to ask them out on a date. 

Life is about experiencing emotions.  Life is about exchanging emotions.  Life is about hearing each other's voice.  

Life is about getting on the phone and learning about each other.  It's not about having short, choppy little text sentences (or more often than not, text phrases) going back and forth.  

We've become so lazy in dating that all we do now is text one another.  We don't even talk anymore.  I am in my late 40's, and I know every one of you who is close to my age is probably shaking your head right now and thinking, "Bring back the good old days when we just got on the phone and called each other!"  

Here's an open message to all men reading this: Stop being lazy!  If you get a woman's phone number, call her up on the phone and talk to her.  Ask her out properly.  That's what women are looking for from a man. 

To the women, if a man is texting you too much, tell him flat out that he is overdoing it.  You know how trainable we men are, so just tell a man who is over-texting to stop it.  Say to him, "Call me!  Let's talk like two human beings." 

We have become so technology-based that we have forgotten the art of talking to each other.  Next time you go out on a date, why don't you just text each other the whole date? Sit across from each other with your iPhone and just text each other, because that's all a lot of you are doing anyway.

David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship coach, author and speaker. Through his boot camps, personal coaching and his website, his advice has transformed the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. His funny, yet direct, approach to dating, sex and relationships has revolutionized how people meet and interact. He offers his advice across a wide media spectrum including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health and E! Entertainment Television -- as well as on over 2,000 radio shows.

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